Zombie Apocalypse, Commercial-Free

The Walking Dead has officially replaced LOST as the show that makes me care way too much about people who don't exist.

And it's got me thinking about the impending Zombie Apocalypse.

If you've never watched The Walking Dead on AMC, it follows an ever-evolving group of plague-survivors trying to evade attacks from "walkers" (the show never once uses the term "Zombies"), as well as self-minded survivalist humans.  The latter is just a nice way of calling them a-holes.

Each season, the group seeks asylum at a presumably "safe" hideout, and SPOILER ALERT:  They never once even think to try a radio station.

They have NO idea what they're missing.  Seriously.  Allow me to give you a little tour of where I work and explain why a radio station is the perfect spot to ride out a Zombie Apocalypse...

SOUNDPROOF ROOMS EVERYWHERE

I just did a quick count, and Greater Media Boston has at least 20 rooms that offer complete aural-protection from attracting the attention of zombies.

HEAVY DOORS

Every door in the aforementioned soundproof rooms is at least 4-inches thick, with heavy-duty locks and double-pained glass.

THREE LAYERS OF LOCKED DOORS

Unless the zombies are former station employees with access cards, then I'm pretty sure we'll be safe in here.

FREE VEHICLES

All radio stations own branded-vehicles to promote their product remotely.  Most have 4-wheel drive, which, despite guzzling too much gas, can be very helpful in driving over bodies like a monster-truck.

SHOWERS

If I'm letting you crash my hiding spot, I expect the courtesy of freshness.

POWER TOOLS

Because zombie-brains are no match for a drill from the engineering department.

COMFORTABLE SLEEPING ARRANGEMENTS

I'm 6'1'' and could sleep for days on this thing.  Can't even say that about my own bed.

KITCHEN

Dishwasher included, feel free to throw your zombie-blood-soaked steak knives in with my used ramen-bowl.

BACKUP GENERATOR

When the power goes out, your chocolate-milk from the vending machine will taste just as fresh as when it came out of the chocolate cow.

and best of all... BROADCAST THE WHOLE THING LIVE!

Just please don't play "Thriller".  A little creativity goes a long way.  Feel free to take requests.