Anne HaTHIEFway

A fellow producer tells me that Anne Hathaway may have stolen my haircut this weekend...

Solid haircut, Anne.  Solid.

I'm not just here for the paycheck

An anonymous coworker left this sign for me on my desk when I got in yesterday afternoon.  Whoever left it, please DO NOT reveal yourself.  To be honest, I prefer not knowing the context.

Instant Redneck

Hair extensions

+

Trucker Hat

+

Flannel

=

Instant Redneck

Is Twitter getting a little lonely?

I like how they just slipped it in there subtly...

Also, in case you were wondering where I've been for the past couple of days, I was busy with best-man duty for my best-bud's wedding.

I'm pretty sure enough pictures were taken that I have permanent red-eye IRL.

Is Awesome

I'm going to have to start thinking my post-titles through a little more.  Not that I ever use Bing, but I noticed that a good number of people are finding their way to my blog by Bing-searching "Matt Shearer Show", and this is what they see:

Great.

Zombie Apocalypse, Commercial-Free

The Walking Dead has officially replaced LOST as the show that makes me care way too much about people who don't exist.

And it's got me thinking about the impending Zombie Apocalypse.

If you've never watched The Walking Dead on AMC, it follows an ever-evolving group of plague-survivors trying to evade attacks from "walkers" (the show never once uses the term "Zombies"), as well as self-minded survivalist humans.  The latter is just a nice way of calling them a-holes.

Each season, the group seeks asylum at a presumably "safe" hideout, and SPOILER ALERT:  They never once even think to try a radio station.

They have NO idea what they're missing.  Seriously.  Allow me to give you a little tour of where I work and explain why a radio station is the perfect spot to ride out a Zombie Apocalypse...

SOUNDPROOF ROOMS EVERYWHERE

I just did a quick count, and Greater Media Boston has at least 20 rooms that offer complete aural-protection from attracting the attention of zombies.

HEAVY DOORS

Every door in the aforementioned soundproof rooms is at least 4-inches thick, with heavy-duty locks and double-pained glass.

THREE LAYERS OF LOCKED DOORS

Unless the zombies are former station employees with access cards, then I'm pretty sure we'll be safe in here.

FREE VEHICLES

All radio stations own branded-vehicles to promote their product remotely.  Most have 4-wheel drive, which, despite guzzling too much gas, can be very helpful in driving over bodies like a monster-truck.

SHOWERS

If I'm letting you crash my hiding spot, I expect the courtesy of freshness.

POWER TOOLS

Because zombie-brains are no match for a drill from the engineering department.

COMFORTABLE SLEEPING ARRANGEMENTS

I'm 6'1'' and could sleep for days on this thing.  Can't even say that about my own bed.

KITCHEN

Dishwasher included, feel free to throw your zombie-blood-soaked steak knives in with my used ramen-bowl.

BACKUP GENERATOR

When the power goes out, your chocolate-milk from the vending machine will taste just as fresh as when it came out of the chocolate cow.

and best of all... BROADCAST THE WHOLE THING LIVE!

Just please don't play "Thriller".  A little creativity goes a long way.  Feel free to take requests.

How to ruin your husband's Valentines Day

Every once in a while I like to browse Craigslist's "Free" section, to see if anyone's trying to get rid of anything that I totally don't need but convince myself that I do.  In the past, I've been able to score:

-A small filtered above-ground pool (similar to this one...)

-9 unopened boxes of frozen Celeste Pizzas (from a guy who bought 10 of them and decided they were gross after eating just one....)

-A half-pipe (yes, that's me as a college boy...)

But today, I came across something rather troubling.  Here's the link, if you're interested in ruining a stranger's day.  If the link gets taken down, the screenshot...

I can't believe these two got married before realizing that the comic-book collecting was tearing them apart.  This seems like a situation where the person should have known that he/she wasn't just marrying his/her fiance, but rather, the fiance AND Captain America.  Kind of like a pet, except an animated one... that doesn't actually exist... and was created to inspire childish fantasies in grown men and preteens alike.

But let's be real... no matter how much you hate your husband/wife/partner's hobby, if you're giving it away for FREE to some stranger on Craigslist on VALENTINES DAY, you might as well just hand him heart-shaped divorce papers.  Seriously, how do you expect the conversation to go when he gets home from work and discovers that his treasured collection (which he probably spent quite a bit of time and money building) is GONE?

"Hey honey, have you seen my Captain America comics?"

"Yes, I gave them away for free on Craigslist to save our marriage."

"Oh, I see.  Well then I guess you're all I have left... I love you baby."  :-*

All I'm saying... You better hope he doesn't notice until AFTER you get your chocolates.

Go home Rihanna, you're drunk.

Couldn't have put it better than this magazine...

I don't think Rihanna realizes that she's taking women's rights back 100 years just by smiling in a photograph with this garbage.

Still don't like Nickelback?

...Me neither.  But this version makes their song a bit more tolerable:

Sports: The Other S-word

Sports broadcasters are always trying to come up with new ways to immerse their audience into the game.  Hyper-directional microphones make home-audiences feel as though they're on the court, field, or rink with the players, without the discomforting smell of sweaty jerseys.  That leaves us with the best part:  The language.

This past weekend, Kevin Garnett demonstrated my point very eloquently...

WARNING:  NSFW audio...

It's not the first time for KG, either...

Who thought it was a good idea to put the mic on him during the huddle?

Baltimore Ravens Quarterback Joe Flacco was kind enough to express himself explicitly just a couple of weeks ago...

Our own Wes Welker has been known to drop a line or two in the past...

And...

If you played for the Jacksonville Jaguars, wouldn't you also want to say this?...

Even the wholesome sport of baseball isn't immune from their fair share of FCC drama...

But don't think the announcers are off the hook in this...

Let's be honest, at the end of the day, they really don't care...

And for the sake of gender equality...

The Worst is Upon Us

We have finally come to what I believe to be the end of civilization as we know it in the City of Boston...

Looks like Wok 'n' Talk will be keeping us alive for the next 24 hours.

The Wildest Snowstorm Photos You''ll See All Day

I made the mistake of trying to buy a birthday cake on Thursday night before the storm...

Needless to say, I was in the minority underestimating the significance of little Nemo.  Friday came and we had the perfect view of the madness...

It's now Saturday morning...

So for all I know, last night could have been just a dusting.  Maybe I was right all along.

Big Mac-Daddy

Some guy brought McDonalds food into Veggie Galaxy last night...

That's almost like bringing a 6-pack to an AA meeting.  Almost.

The Ghost of Radio Stations Past

Ever wonder what a dead-and-decomposing radio station looks like?

Cables everywhere, empty hardware racks, microphones ripped out... OH THE HUMANITY.

But it's just the circle of life.  For every radio station that passes away, a newer, younger, more healthy one is born with a bright future and the capacity to do great things.

Isn't Blog Do Good?

I saw this book in the Dollar Tree the other day...

...and then got a headache from trying to understand the title, so I went home.

Much respect to Richard Scarry for being one of the most beloved children's book authors of all time.  But when my kid has terrible grammar some day, I'm blaming him.  And Twitter.

Superbowl Power Outage Memes

Immediately as the lights went out in New Orleans last night, the internet got to work.  Here are some of my favorites...

Oreo were quick to respond with this ad via Twitter...

This one may hurt a bit...

This should make up for it...

Everyone thinks they're SO clever

"Alright, everybody settle down, it's time for the meeting to begin.  What's first on the agenda?"
"We need a clever way to draw some website-hits during the Superbowl, sir."
"Any ideas?"
"Well, since everyone will be Googling 'What time does the Superbowl start?', I think we should publish an article using that as the headline."
"Brilliant, ____!  This is why we hired you!"

....was apparently the conversation at every major newspaper in America:

And yes, I searched it.  Fortunately, Google already had me covered:

"This is not a hoax"

I've been seeing this video start to pop up on the social networks this week...

Now look, if someone were ever to say "raise your hand if you believe in extraterrestrial life", I'd dislocate my right shoulder raising my hand so fast.

But what we have here is six minutes of some dude on YouTube talking about aliens like that stubborn mule from Family Guy...

Anytime someone is SO unreasonable, it's hard to trust their "expertise".  If I were to bury an old "Predator" action figure in the woods and he were to find it, there'd be a new video on YouTube posted within MINUTES.  It would be all about how aliens are among us, they are heavily armed, and kind of look like NE Patriots Linebacker Brandon Spikes...

A little Googling of the guy (that sounds dirty) only results in more stupid videos with his name in the title, plus "100% proof of Aliens".

You ready for 100% proof of ghosts?  I saw one once.  There you go.  I'd tell you more, but that's all you need to know.  Ghosts exist.

How about proof of Zombies?  I watch the Walking Dead.  BOOM.  End of discussion.

The X-Files nailed it...

Call me, maybe?

Remember Randall, the Honey Badger guy?

About a year ago, I interviewed him on the radio so he could promote his new nature book.  All I asked in return was for a new voicemail-greeting.  Randall delivered: