Tuesday, March 5, 2013

RIP Fung Wah

To be honest, I'm amazed that they hung in there this long.


If you've ever traveled from Boston to New York City via the Fung Wah, or "Chinatown Bus", pat yourself on the back.  You made it out alive.  Celebrate every minute on this Earth that you have been blessed with since stepping off that rolling deathtrap.

And now the nightmare is over.



I, too, am a survivor.  Back in my day (2005, you know, the olden days) there was no BoltBus or MegaBus.  If you wanted to get to the big apple for less than the cost of a meal at the Panda Express, Fung Wah was your only option.  For those who never got to experience the thrill of putting your life in the hands of the most haphazard travel company in US history, allow me to document the journey...



When you first walk into the bus terminal at South Station, you begin scanning for the proper gate.  You see the comfortable airport-esque seating of the Peter Pan bus, the Greyhound, etc.  Scrolling digital marquees add a comforting glow to the room, reassuring travelers that they will reach their desired destinations in a safe, timely manner.  You start to wonder why you don't see a gate for the Fung Wah Bus, nor do you hear any Fung-Wah announcements over an intercom.  You're almost to the very end of the terminal when you hear someone yelling at you in broken English.  As you look to the poorly-lit far corner of the room, you realize that she is yelling "FUNG WAH!  FUNG WAH!" while waving from a folded char behind a very lackluster podium.  After hastily scribbling on your home-printed ticket, you're finally ready to board the hourly bus.


As for the interior, imagine being on a Greyhound bus, but without the TV's in the aisle, with seats about 22% as comfortable, and with the clientele akin to that of Walmart on a Tuesday morning at 10am.  If you do make it off the bus alive, chances are you've picked up a cold along the way.  Should you decide that the seats are too uncomfortable to catch a quick nap, might I suggest laying down behind the last row of seats, with your legs spilling out into the aisle.

Yes, I've done this.

No, they didn't try to stop me.  The drivers are always too determined to make good time that they will stop for NOTHING.  Not even just a quick stop for snacks/clean bathrooms (Oh yeah, speaking of which... don't use the bathroom on the Fung Wah bus.  If you do, don't touch ANYTHING).  The only major benefit to travelling this way was that you could get from Boston to New York in close to 3 hours, a trip which would normally take around 4.

LONG STORY SHORT... if you needed to get to NYC in the early-mid 2000's, the easiest way to pick out the right bus for you was this:

1) Fast
2) Cheap
3) Safe

Pick two.  No such bus existed with all three amenities.

If you wanted fast & cheap, you'd go with Fung Wah.  RIP.


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