Anne HaTHIEFway

A fellow producer tells me that Anne Hathaway may have stolen my haircut this weekend...

Solid haircut, Anne.  Solid.

I'm not just here for the paycheck

An anonymous coworker left this sign for me on my desk when I got in yesterday afternoon.  Whoever left it, please DO NOT reveal yourself.  To be honest, I prefer not knowing the context.

Instant Redneck

Hair extensions

+

Trucker Hat

+

Flannel

=

Instant Redneck

Is Twitter getting a little lonely?

I like how they just slipped it in there subtly...

Also, in case you were wondering where I've been for the past couple of days, I was busy with best-man duty for my best-bud's wedding.

I'm pretty sure enough pictures were taken that I have permanent red-eye IRL.

Is Awesome

I'm going to have to start thinking my post-titles through a little more.  Not that I ever use Bing, but I noticed that a good number of people are finding their way to my blog by Bing-searching "Matt Shearer Show", and this is what they see:

Great.

Zombie Apocalypse, Commercial-Free

The Walking Dead has officially replaced LOST as the show that makes me care way too much about people who don't exist.

And it's got me thinking about the impending Zombie Apocalypse.

If you've never watched The Walking Dead on AMC, it follows an ever-evolving group of plague-survivors trying to evade attacks from "walkers" (the show never once uses the term "Zombies"), as well as self-minded survivalist humans.  The latter is just a nice way of calling them a-holes.

Each season, the group seeks asylum at a presumably "safe" hideout, and SPOILER ALERT:  They never once even think to try a radio station.

They have NO idea what they're missing.  Seriously.  Allow me to give you a little tour of where I work and explain why a radio station is the perfect spot to ride out a Zombie Apocalypse...

SOUNDPROOF ROOMS EVERYWHERE

I just did a quick count, and Greater Media Boston has at least 20 rooms that offer complete aural-protection from attracting the attention of zombies.

HEAVY DOORS

Every door in the aforementioned soundproof rooms is at least 4-inches thick, with heavy-duty locks and double-pained glass.

THREE LAYERS OF LOCKED DOORS

Unless the zombies are former station employees with access cards, then I'm pretty sure we'll be safe in here.

FREE VEHICLES

All radio stations own branded-vehicles to promote their product remotely.  Most have 4-wheel drive, which, despite guzzling too much gas, can be very helpful in driving over bodies like a monster-truck.

SHOWERS

If I'm letting you crash my hiding spot, I expect the courtesy of freshness.

POWER TOOLS

Because zombie-brains are no match for a drill from the engineering department.

COMFORTABLE SLEEPING ARRANGEMENTS

I'm 6'1'' and could sleep for days on this thing.  Can't even say that about my own bed.

KITCHEN

Dishwasher included, feel free to throw your zombie-blood-soaked steak knives in with my used ramen-bowl.

BACKUP GENERATOR

When the power goes out, your chocolate-milk from the vending machine will taste just as fresh as when it came out of the chocolate cow.

and best of all... BROADCAST THE WHOLE THING LIVE!

Just please don't play "Thriller".  A little creativity goes a long way.  Feel free to take requests.

How to ruin your husband's Valentines Day

Every once in a while I like to browse Craigslist's "Free" section, to see if anyone's trying to get rid of anything that I totally don't need but convince myself that I do.  In the past, I've been able to score:

-A small filtered above-ground pool (similar to this one...)

-9 unopened boxes of frozen Celeste Pizzas (from a guy who bought 10 of them and decided they were gross after eating just one....)

-A half-pipe (yes, that's me as a college boy...)

But today, I came across something rather troubling.  Here's the link, if you're interested in ruining a stranger's day.  If the link gets taken down, the screenshot...

I can't believe these two got married before realizing that the comic-book collecting was tearing them apart.  This seems like a situation where the person should have known that he/she wasn't just marrying his/her fiance, but rather, the fiance AND Captain America.  Kind of like a pet, except an animated one... that doesn't actually exist... and was created to inspire childish fantasies in grown men and preteens alike.

But let's be real... no matter how much you hate your husband/wife/partner's hobby, if you're giving it away for FREE to some stranger on Craigslist on VALENTINES DAY, you might as well just hand him heart-shaped divorce papers.  Seriously, how do you expect the conversation to go when he gets home from work and discovers that his treasured collection (which he probably spent quite a bit of time and money building) is GONE?

"Hey honey, have you seen my Captain America comics?"

"Yes, I gave them away for free on Craigslist to save our marriage."

"Oh, I see.  Well then I guess you're all I have left... I love you baby."  :-*

All I'm saying... You better hope he doesn't notice until AFTER you get your chocolates.