Matt DMC

Just came across this quality throwback-pic, circa 2006, with hip hop legend DMC...

Even though he liked my style, my lackluster rhymes cost me the audition.  He told me to "walk this way" out the door.  Did I mention he didn't like me "walk this way" jokes either?

Slowpoke

I had a realization yesterday... I've been so focused on radio programming and the news over the last few years, that I've lost touch with the music and podcasts I used to listen to.  It's not that I haven't been listening to music at all, it's more that I got stuck in a trap of old technology and old bands.

Here's what I mean...  Until now:

-I've been listening to my own collection using my Zune (sooo 2008)

-I've been streaming using Pandora (sooo 2005)

-I've only been buying music from touring bands on vinyl (sooo 1970)

It's time to play catch up.

My first adventure yesterday was with TuneIn Radio. 

Until yesterday, I didn't realize what made it different from similar apps (like iHeart radio, which combines Pandora-esque custom radio stations with terrestrial radio stations... a great way to listen to Hot 96.9).  TuneIn not only allows you to listen to your favorite local FMs & AMs, but also police scanners (which is a great feature to have on full-blast when you're walking alone at night through Dorchester) and podcasts.  Should you chose to listen to a station in real-time, TuneIn adds to the visual/interactive experience by displaying the Twitter-feed of the show.  I currently use TuneIn on my Roku box through my TV, as well as my Droid 4 so that I can listen on the go.

My other late-pass is for Spotify:

Since music consumption went digital, large corporations and small-startups alike have been trying to capitalize on a more personalized streaming service.  Copyright issues and a crowded market have made it difficult for most of them to take off.  Inevitably, anyone who signs up for one of these services will end up having to pay, unless they're okay with hearing an advertisement between every song, which can completely kill the momentum of an album, and makes the experience no better than going on YouTube to listen to music.  Spotify puts the choice in your hands.  You CAN access their massive library for free, but you're only allowed to listen to so many songs, and with ads.  You can pay just a little more to stream without ads, or just a little more than that to listen on your mobile device, ad-free, and without a song-cap.  What really separates Spotify from the pack, however, is how easy they make the experience.  Rather than sending you to a slow website, Spotify Premium is downloaded to your desktop, and operates as a media player very similar to ITunes.  So to explain it another way... it's like owning the world's largest music collection on your computer, without having to download a single song, all for less than the cost of an album every month.

And with that, I've finally made it to 2011.  Wait for me in 2013, I'll be there shortly.

The Three Months of Christmas

If you're not too busy to take down a Christmas tree in your 20's, you're doing it wrong.  This one came down on March 9th, 2013...

You may notice the massive amount of droop-age coming from the star up top, complimented by the endless supply of dry needles underneath.  I would venture to guess that there are more needles where presents belong than there are on the branches.  As pleasant as it was to celebrate Christmas for a full quarter of my year, it was most fascinating watching the Christmas spirit wither away in real-time.

Anyways, if you're not a fan of recreational vacuuming, I don't recommend marathon-decorating.

Who's Gonna Ticket the Ticket-Givers?

Yesterday I got a parking ticket.  Today I spotted a Boston Parking Enforcement Officer parked on the sidewalk....

That means I can just give him back my ticket, right?

Would you like some ZZZZZ's with that?

To whoever goes on a Ben & Jerry's run and buys either of these two flavors: Did something happen in your childhood that made you the most boring person alive?

Seriously, you just looked past Cherry Garcia, Chunky Monkey, Half Baked, Late Night Snack, Karamel Sutra, Milk & Cookies, Phish Food, S'mores, AmeriCone Dream, EVEN FRIGGIN PLAIN OLD CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE DOUGH.... and you bought Vanilla.

You'll probably LOVE Ben & Jerry's upcoming new flavor, "nothing".  It's great... it's like ice cream, but there's no ice cream in it.  It's just an empty pint.  You can buy it for the same great low price, but not have to worry about the disgusting "tastes" and "flavors" and "fun" that you get with others.

RIP Fung Wah

To be honest, I'm amazed that they hung in there this long.

If you've ever traveled from Boston to New York City via the Fung Wah, or "Chinatown Bus", pat yourself on the back.  You made it out alive.  Celebrate every minute on this Earth that you have been blessed with since stepping off that rolling deathtrap.

And now the nightmare is over.

I, too, am a survivor.  Back in my day (2005, you know, the olden days) there was no BoltBus or MegaBus.  If you wanted to get to the big apple for less than the cost of a meal at the Panda Express, Fung Wah was your only option.  For those who never got to experience the thrill of putting your life in the hands of the most haphazard travel company in US history, allow me to document the journey...

When you first walk into the bus terminal at South Station, you begin scanning for the proper gate.  You see the comfortable airport-esque seating of the Peter Pan bus, the Greyhound, etc.  Scrolling digital marquees add a comforting glow to the room, reassuring travelers that they will reach their desired destinations in a safe, timely manner.  You start to wonder why you don't see a gate for the Fung Wah Bus, nor do you hear any Fung-Wah announcements over an intercom.  You're almost to the very end of the terminal when you hear someone yelling at you in broken English.  As you look to the poorly-lit far corner of the room, you realize that she is yelling "FUNG WAH!  FUNG WAH!" while waving from a folded char behind a very lackluster podium.  After hastily scribbling on your home-printed ticket, you're finally ready to board the hourly bus.

As for the interior, imagine being on a Greyhound bus, but without the TV's in the aisle, with seats about 22% as comfortable, and with the clientele akin to that of Walmart on a Tuesday morning at 10am.  If you do make it off the bus alive, chances are you've picked up a cold along the way.  Should you decide that the seats are too uncomfortable to catch a quick nap, might I suggest laying down behind the last row of seats, with your legs spilling out into the aisle.

Yes, I've done this.

No, they didn't try to stop me.  The drivers are always too determined to make good time that they will stop for NOTHING.  Not even just a quick stop for snacks/clean bathrooms (Oh yeah, speaking of which... don't use the bathroom on the Fung Wah bus.  If you do, don't touch ANYTHING).  The only major benefit to travelling this way was that you could get from Boston to New York in close to 3 hours, a trip which would normally take around 4.

LONG STORY SHORT... if you needed to get to NYC in the early-mid 2000's, the easiest way to pick out the right bus for you was this:

1) Fast
2) Cheap
3) Safe

Pick two.  No such bus existed with all three amenities.

If you wanted fast & cheap, you'd go with Fung Wah.  RIP.

Death and Taxes

Today, I return to the blog-o-sphere from the depths of tax hell.  Have you filed your taxes yet?  Here's your reminder:  THEY'RE DUE SOON.  Not that you'll do anything about it today, I'm sure.  A due date was merely a suggestion for me back in high school.

But when you finally get around to it, you'll notice something a little peculiar about the Massachusetts forms:

Do dead people get a tax break?  If so, check me off and come to my funeral!  The wake will be open-casket and open-bar.